There has been a lot of upheaval lately about the proposed bill in Congress to allow the Federal Government to control the health care for most Americans. To get to the bottom of the rumors, and in an effort to bring the truth out in the open for all to judge, we turn now to our trusted and learned scholar, Professor Betchafail.

Me: “Good evening Professor, how are you feeling this evening?”

Professor: “Mostly with my hands, but there was that freshman co-ed last year.”

Me: “Yes well, we won’t dwell on the past. Professor, could you tell us your thoughts on the current proposed bill in Congress dealing with health care?”

Professor: “Certainly my son, I have given the matter a great deal of thought, and I have decided.”

Me: (after a long pause) “What have you decided professor, we are waiting to hear your learned impressions.”

Professor: “Harrumph, yes well I have decided that there is only one question at this time that bears asking.”

Me: “What might that be, Professor?”

Professor: “The big question we have to ask ourselves today is: do I feel sick?”

Me: “Could you elaborate for us, Professor?”

Professor: “Of course, of course, if you don’t feel sick at this moment Congress has nothing to fear from you. You obviously have not studied the situation through and through, as I have. I can tell you, I’m pretty sick of the whole thing.”

Me: “What exactly has made you sick, sir?”

Professor: “Have you read this thing? My goodness, just perusing the first hundred or so pages gives me the heebie jeebies. I want to toss my cookies, blow chunks, spew tooties.”

Me: “O-k, o-k, we get the picture. Boy do we get the picture. I’m feeling a little woozy myself. I think I’ll sit down if you don’t mind.”

Professor: “No, no, son, you go ahead and sit. I was sitting myself when I first read the health bill. I was on the throne, in the reading room, seeing a guy about a dog, paying the water bill. Let me tell you too, the congressional paper that health bill was printed on came in very handy, at the time. Truthfully, it’s about the only thing it’s good for anyway.”

Me: “Well, I think that statement probably sums up your true feelings on the matter, Professor. We thank you for your participation in our query. By the by, what exactly are your credentials, I mean, as a learned professor, that give you such high regards on this subject? What exactly do you teach here at the university that makes you such an expert on any bill going through Congress?”

Professor: “Creative writing!”

Me: “Yes well, thank you Professor Betchafail. We now return to our studio. Take it away, Chet.”

I’ll be right back.